I think this might be a cannibalism game . . .

So I was bouncing around the app store, as I do, and I came across this!

Love! Sushi Rangers
A romance dating sim where you date . . . sushi.


So here is my synopsis based on looking at pictures and not actually playing the game at all (yet).

According to the site, your sushi-chef dad gets invited to a “‘High-Class Sushi Cruising’  and then all of a sudden he was taken overseas.”  I’m pretty sure that means that your dad gets kidnapped.  Probably by a radical eco-terrorist group hell-bent on ending the subjugation of aquatic life that has been the corner stone of the sushi industry since time immemorial.  Anyway, we never see him again because you can’t date your dad (GROSS) and this is a dating sim.  Later Dad!

Now that Dad’s out of the picture,  it falls to you, his daughter to save the restaurant.  As if being an adult woman trapped in a 12 year-old girl’s body wasn’t hard enough, you clearly have contracted some sort of brain parasite from eating improperly stored salmon. How else would you explain the sudden belief that your sushi ingredients have become boys?

These “Sashimi men” as the developer calls them, have a common goal. They want to help the protagonist keep the sushi shop open by getting her to feed them to her customers. If that isn’t the stuff of nightmares, I don’t know what is.

Pro-tip:  If a strange man suddenly appears in your home and announces that he is your food come to life, appropriate responses include:

a) go back to bed, you are dreaming

b) go to the hospital, you are very ill

c) grab the nearest weapon and dispatch the intruder, he is obviously a thief/murderer/creep who thinks he can trick you with his flimsy lies

Anyway, here’s a picture of you playing tonsil hockey with a bit of salmon (I bet that tastes fishy):


And sniffing the breath of a fried egg and . . . being put in a headlock(?).

In conclusion, if you have a passing interest in consensual cannibalism, an unhealthy love of food, or (like me) have a fascination with the weird, I think I found a game for you!

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