Death Metal Ninja Love

I am working on a visual novel with dating sim elements and I play a lot of otome games for research.  It’s RESEARCH I SWEAR!

One of the games I play is from the Shall We Date series by Voltage: Ninja Love+. You play the “ninja princess” which seems to roughly amount to randomly tagging along with the one of eligible bachelors. Honestly, all she are is a title. I have no idea what the point of the MC is at all. She isn’t a ninja by practice, she’s some temple orphan from a mountain who doesn’t seem to be able to do anything other than eat and make random men have the hots for her. I guess her dad was the “ninja king” (whatever the hell that is) so that makes her the princess. It seems to me that it would have been better to have just left her on the mountain where nobody knew she was if keeping her safe is such a big deal. But, noooo, let’s take her to the front lines and lament her potential dismemberment, kidnapping, death, etc. etc.

Anyway, the story line in question is that of Yagyu Munenori. He’s a stuck-up genius samurai who likes fruit, hates cats, and (if you were in doubt that this was an anime) has purple hair. I guess he has an over abundance of vitamin Grimace from eating too many grapes.

So Munenori is dragging the MC around on this undercover double-agent mission and the big boss is onto us and is probably going to have us killed one way or another. To make him NOT want to kill us, the ninja stage an attack so that they can make it look like Munenori is protecting the boss. This attack includes ninja magic! One dude casts fire and another cast cyclone and I think FIRE TORNADO!

Afterwards you get a scene like this:

photo 2

Is it just me or is there some sexy tension here?  I mean that eyebrow dude is in a definite state of undress.  When this popped up on my screen I felt like I should maybe leave these two guys alone.

Eyebrows: You saved my life!  You know, they say a near death experience can be very exciting .  (He waggles his eyebrows suggestively)

Sexy Grimace: Yes, I have heard that.  I read a lot because I’m a genius and I know everything.  For example, I know that you aren’t wearing any underwear.

Eyebrows: Your manly devotion even extends to memorizing my dressing habits.  I am more than impressed.

(Enter Ninja Princess)

Ninja Princess: Wow!  Um . . .

(The three stare awkwardly at each other)

Ninja Princess:  Yeah . . . Ya’know, I think I need to go wash some teacups.

(Ninja Princess Hastily Exits)

But, this isn’t that kind of game so.   There was no hawt samurai on Shogun action.  Instead, this happened!

photo 1

This guy shows up and we have a death/glam metal hair band!

So we have:

Lead Vocalist, Satan Face!

Lead Guitarist, Slasher Man!

Bass Guitarist, Death Scowl!

and

Drummer, Teacup Smasher!  (a.k.a. ninja princess a.k.a. not shown)

And their hit single, Undead Daimyo !

Fire tornadoes in my castle!

They were put there by a ninja asshole!

Raaaaaaaaaaawrr!

Destroy everything, burn it to the ground

I’ll rise again and hunt you down!

I do not live and  I cannot die!

I’ll scatter your remains from here to Kansai!

Blaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!

Not in territory or rice or wheat!

My retainers are sustained on the blood I reap!

Concealed in the shadow, ninja hide and creep

But in nightmares, I’ll murder them in their sleep!

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Turn into a cat!  Turn into a tree!

Your ninja magic won’t help you escape me!

Raaaaaaaaaaaaawr!

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